Traumatized
by Cat Typical
Summary: Marinette is completely terrified after the events of her partner's akumatization. She never wanted to see it again. Horrified and distressed, she tries to maintain her growing fear, whether it be of her responsibilities or something different. Maybe as in a certain, ghostly apparition that seems to keep following her. Rated T for darker themes and mild violence.
1. Nightmares

**Here's another story! I wanted to apologize (if you've read some other work of mine) that I don't update frequently. Writer's block has me, well, on anything I write, in and outside of Fanfiction. I know it's not an excuse, though. Sometimes I fear that what I have to give isn't good enough for you guys. I do try my best and I promise I will work on updating my stories! I deleted a few and put some on hold so I can clear a bit of that. I'm mainly working on _You're Never Alone _and, well, this one. Thanks for reading, though, it means a lot to me. Without further ado, enjoy! ~**

* * *

An unpleasant and daunting experience, one she'd rather _not _relive, yet fate be against her with every nightmare she held, returned once again. It was usual: the voice of pain, the rage in icy eyes as pulling a fatal blow to her. She hated it, oh, she hated everything about it. Why wouldn't the memories leave her alone? Why did they flood back to her every night, twisting her soul and traumatizing her? She felt hot tears peeking down her face again, no matter the striving of suppressing them from escaping. She felt her hands shaking, unconsciously clenching into feeble fists and back again. No, no, why couldn't this stop? Why wouldn't her memories leave her the heck alone?

She buried herself deeper under the weight of the world, amongst the uncontrollable distress of being guardian and her tormenting, recurring terrors every night. Her heart pounded, out of unbalanced fatigue or fear, she did not know. Her mind was shrouded with nothing but foggy, unclear echoes. She was terrorized by her nightmares. She writhed in her place, earning a concerned, gentle voice coaxing her back to reality again.

"Oh, Marinette . . ." it whispered, causing the girl to blink open her tear-stained eyes to see her darkened room lie out before her, shadowed and quiet. She sat up half-consciously, looking behind her. The clock read 3:09 A.M. She rasped a small breath and felt a tender touch on her shoulder. She turned in the direction of the notion and rubbed her stinging eyes.

"I'm so sorry that you have to endure this," frowned the little being floating melancholy in front of her face, a sorrowful, crestfallen expression displayed. Marinette cracked a little smile, knowing all too well it was all too fake to herself.

"Tikki, it's not your fault," she whispered, averting her eyes past the worried Kwami and out the rounded window, where moonlight showered in and bathed her room in a silvery sheen. She sighed, knowing in about another three to four hours she'd have to get up again and leave without barely a wink's sleep. She hadn't slept since she'd attempted to; every time she closed her eyes to try, she was met back with ominous flashbacks. She shifted and leaned back against her wall, lifting out her hands in front of her. The little being moved into her palm, and as Marinette's eyes adjusted, she saw the heartbroken mien upon Tikki's face.

She frowned softly before she tried to smile again, but it hurt mentally. She didn't want to nor did she barely have the energy to. Sweat beaded upon her brow. She felt herself, naturally, beginning to drift off, and it would repeat all over again.

"Perhaps you should try and get some rest?" whispered Tikki, helping Marinette meander back to attention. She considered the idea, she _wanted _to, for peat's sake, she _wanted _to sleep. She could never find enough peace to close her eyes and do so without being startled and woken all over again.

Marinette sighed, her shoulders falling obscurely. Her diminutive companion seemed to sense her hopelessness and looked down, as thought trying to think of ideas. On her part, Marinette considered getting a Melatonin to help her sleep or play herself soft music, but it seemed useless. However, the tiredness dragged at her, and she submitted. Tikki lifted from her grasp and to the side as Marinette pulled herself under the covers once again, attempting for rest, maybe for a little while.

She felt the warmth of her little companion as she took her place on one of the pillows. Seeking for sleep, Marinette closed her eyes to desperately be taken away onto a cloud of peace and rest.

* * *

Marinette quickly shushed the ringing alarm, which was normally dismissed by her, but she hadn't succeeded in any sleep. Tired and exhausted, she crept from her bed and onto the floor. She'd already lied to Tikki, saying she did achieve a bit of rest, but it wasn't true. She hadn't slept at all. She just wanted the nightmares that haunted her every single night to go away, but each night her wishing was cast away as the daunting memories returned.

She'd covered up the eyebags with makeup, and as she looked at herself, she felt like a haint. . . . A ghost of her old self. She shook her head, quickly fixing herself up for school and quietly ignoring the weight of reality as she glanced at a very important case (in which held some very important jewels). She didn't want to say it was a burden, but she didn't want to say she was entirely cheerful about it. She knew it was all her fault that Master Fu was gone, leaving her as a very inexperience guardian. It was one of the reasons she _couldn't _rest. She always had to keep her guard up. If she didn't, everything could fail. Even more would be her fault, all hers alone. Tikki had already suggested letting Wayzz out to help with her guardianship. Marinette considered it, but for now, she didn't want to burden the other Kwami with her nightly troubles. She sighed, feeling utterly hopeless and useless. She had to stay up, she had to act positive, even if on the inside she was caving in.

"Let's go, Tikki . . ." gestured Marinette, opening her bag as invitation to the Kwami, biting back a yawn. Shaking her head, she headed downstairs, trying to keep her head up. Writing a note that she'd already head out for school, Marinette hesitated as she went to grab breakfast. Her appetite quickly dissolved, and she turned her head away.

Ambling over to the door and wordlessly exiting the bakery, she squinted against the mild light of the whispery-clouded sky, raising her eyes. She turned her head away, preparing to get through another day. Another day lost to tiredness and stress.

Maybe today would be better.

Or not.

* * *

Once Marinette walked in to class at a _decent _time, which she had been doing for the past couple of days, she was met with a surprised gasp from Alya, who smiled. As she sat beside her best friend, Marinette bit back another yawn as Alya watched her.

"Girl, once again, you aren't stumbling in right before the bell rings. I'm proud," she chuckled, causing Marinette to pull another smile. . . . Or at least try to, without mush accomplishment. Alya didn't seem to notice, so Marinette turned and began to lay her things out upon her desk, attempting to keep herself upright and alert. She felt Tikki's reassuring presence and she narrowed her eyes determinedly, placing her things on the table and waiting, simply, for class to begin.

Rather loudly, causing her to perk her head up, Nino walked in. Adrien trailed behind him and sat down in front of her. She sighed, propping her head up with her hand as she looked out the window. Someone prodded her in the side, and Marinette averted her gaze to Alya's.

"Tell me why you've been getting here on time," said the aspiring reporter, "it's almost a miracle, y'know?"

She nodded wordlessly as she pulled out her sketchbook, tapping it with her pencil. She hadn't had any design ideas for a while now. She attempted to put her mind to it, but she instead began to draw meaningless swirls and useless doodles upon the white sheet in front of her. She suddenly felt Adrien's gaze on her, and she rapidly shut the book away from his eyes and sat the pencil on top of it. Fortunately, class was on the brink of beginning, so the model didn't say anything. Marinette looked up, met his gaze, before glancing back down again. She had to pretend everything was fine. She couldn't put people to worry, or to be concerned for her. She simply had to pretend. That was all.

* * *

Far too long later, school was dismissed. Marinette's initial idea was to go on home, but her gaze fell on her friends. She looked away before sighing, losing a mental battle in her head, (though maybe for the better) and ambled over to the place Alya stood, talking to Nino and Adrien, whom threw her a concerned look. She feigned innocence with a smile before she looked at the ground, waiting for the Ladyblogger to speak to her about today's plans.

"Hey, girl, we were thinking we would grab a bite to eat after school. Wanna come?" said person prompted her, turning her way with a curious hazel gaze. Marinette hesitated, unsure if she should be a burden and go or just head home. She abruptly remembered that she had patrol tonight. . . . Maybe she should just save her energy? But what harm would food do?

"Marinette?"

She was brought back to the present as Alya said her name, keenly looking up. She pulled a smile, defeated, "Why not?" and shrugged. Alya looked at her, the familiar essence of concern etched into her eyes. Marinette looked past the reporter and out the school's doors.

"Are you sure you're okay, girl? We don't have to go if you—"

"Of course I'm fine," the bluenette interrupted her friend as to not go on, "why wouldn't I be?"

Alya glanced Marinette with a nod before she gestured off. Marinette slowly followed behind her friends, gazing off into the distance. Her eyes met the Eiffel Tower's large structure, and she shuddered violently. Images of a white-clad feline villain whom murdered all of Paris flashed into her mind. She winced visibly, stepping further along the walls of the building. A couple feet ahead, Alya and Nino good-naturedly spoke, and Marinette found herself in step with Adrien.

The blonde seemed to regard her silence with a concerned air. Marinette watched the ground flick past her instead of looking up to see her friends.

_You fool! _she wanted to snap at herself. _You can't make them worry, act like everything is _fine_! If you don't, they'll surely demand you go home and that would be disastrous because everyone has to think I'm fine, so I have to pretend I'm fine and__—_

She jerked up, realizing Adrien had spoken. She shook her head, flushing with slight embarrassment and asked him to repeat.

"Are you okay?" he prompted kindly.

Marinette's gaze hardened. For peat's sake, could she not go a minute without somebody asking that question? She was _fine_, completely and perfectly _fine_. She shook it off and snapped, "I'm _fine_! Why does everyone keep asking me that question?" she hissed loudly. Alya and Nino halted in their steps to look at her and Adrien watched rather apologetically.

_It's not your fault, _she thought_, I'm such an idiot. . . . _Marinette looked up and rubbed her arm quietly. She sighed and turned away, "I'm not really hungry. . . . I'll see you all later," and with that, she ambled off again, feeling her friends' questioning gazes on her back.

There's always the possibility it would not be a good day, though.

* * *

"Oh my _gosh_, Tikki, I'm such an _idiot_!" she groaned as she sat on her chaise, hugging her knees to herself. She caused her friends to worry, and she didn't want them to worry. She had to wear a mask and be veiled from reality. Nobody needed to know she cried at night, drowned out by the terrors of the psycho villain she once fought, not even Tikki. Nobody needed to know about that. The more she wanted it to go away, the more her dreams haunted her, mixing present and reality.

"You're not an idiot, Marinette," said the little being. "You've been under a lot of stress lately, that's all. Alya suggested that, if you weren't feeling good, you should go on home."

"No, Tikki, that's the point. I don't want them to worry about me, I'm a burden enough," and shifted off of her perch. Tikki attempted to say something, but Marinette climbed onto her bed and out onto her roof deck, shutting the trapdoor behind her. She ambled to the railing and clenched her hands around it, feeling her knuckles growing white. She looked along the streets of Paris until, with the time-change, it began to grow dark. The bitter chill hugged at her, caressing her face, and she blinked so not to let her eyes sting. She narrowed her eyes as she watched the distance, seeing the array of mingled colors in sunset streaking across the sky. The murkiness was lit with lights as the streets came alive.

Suddenly, she tensed and froze with fear as her bluebell eyes landed on a familiar figure. It was almost like a ghost, moving trough the streets. Did nobody else see it? His icy eyes met hers and she violently jumped back, startled, a small squeak escaping her. She was going mad, she was sure of it, but from here it looked too real to be fake. She shuddered, moving to clench her fists around the railing once again.

Why did nobody else see it?

* * *

**Okay, I really hope you guys liked it! Please feel free to leave me reviews, they encourage me a lot. **

**A/N: 2,184**

**Cat's off. **


	2. Not Real, Right?

**What? 10 favorites and 12 follows? I have to admit, I am shooketh. Thank you so much! Without further ado, enjoy. . . .**

* * *

Marinette's pulse flew threw her mind, thrumming in her chest and rattling her soul. She was sure almost all of the color had drained from her face, sure she was pale as a _ghost_. She opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again as the figure maintained eye contact with her. It was a piercing gaze too familiar and too cold to hang to, like bitter ice to the touch. She tore her eyes away from it, _him_, and stumbled back. No, that wasn't possible, was it? Or was it not?

She stumbled back before drawing her gaze fleetly back to where he had just been standing, but she stopped. He wasn't there anymore. It was like he disappeared as quick as he came, wavered out of existence. She narrowed her eyes, breathing heavy, before twisting around and whisking open her trapdoor. She sensed Tikki back up slightly as Marinette hurried down the white stairs from her bed. She clutched the railing, feeling dizzy and faint. What was wrong with her?

She began to anxiously walk around. She must be crazy, out of her mind, _mad_. It wasn't totally impossible that he was there. . . . it wasn't totally impossible that Cat Noir could have been akumatized again. If that were true, some havoc must have already been wreaked, right? If that were true, people should have reacted to the snowy supervillain among them, right? No, what was she thinking? She was hallucinating. She was definitely lucky, definitely, because her nightmares had came to life. Lucky her! Especially when she had patrol tonight. . . .

"Patrol!" she suddenly said, earning Tikki's nod, as though she had been about to warn her chosen that she should be going. Perhaps it was good she was going on patrol tonight. It would prove that Cat Noir was there so she could get these unpleasant thoughts out of her head. She stood, ready to go, but a wave of cold fear washed over her. About what, she didn't know, but it unnerved her.

* * *

Paris' superheroine had never been named _jittery_, of the sort, but right now, that's what Ladybug felt at that moment. Ever since Miracle Queen, ever since she had been named a guardian, she had been nothing but paranoid, which had only caused this deep terror to worsen. She wasn't up to the task, she couldn't be a guardian. She couldn't even be a good _Ladybug_! It was her fault Master Fu was gone and lost all of his memories. It was _all her fault_.

As she flew traverse the chilly night air, she remembered how tired she was, the lack of sleep she had. It dragged at her bones and messed with her mind. The cold wind bit at her face as she vaulted onto a rooftop to wait for her partner. Her heart thrummed in her chest; she was acutely aware of every sound in Paris' night sky. She shifted her posture and waited, watching the flickering, dancing lights below her, feeling a quiet wave of longing, that everything with her, could be just fine, so simple and peaceful, just as everybody else who went on with their lives in Paris. She stifled a tired, hopeless sigh.

A thud sounded behind her.

She didn't know what it was, but a inkling of fear exploded through her, turning her veins icy cold. Her pulse thrummed rapidly, and she violently whirled in a defensive stance to see the silhouette of a dreadfully familiar figure. When her eyes adjusted, however, she realized it wasn't her worst unease. It was Cat Noir.

Ladybug relaxed faintly, but she was still tentative as she examined her partner's perplexed expression before she cleared her throat and regained herself, "Are you ready?" and uneasily shifting her footing.

He nodded wordlessly, stepping forward. Ladybug violently flinched back and closer to the walls as images of an ivory, wicked feline stepped toward her with a mien of rage, pulling a blow that could potentially kill her. Qualm made her freeze, but he didn't do anything else, only tipped his head at her actions. She shook her head dismissively and sighed, turning in the direction of the regal Eiffel Tower and scanning the surrounding city, lit alive by pirouetting amongst the tenebrosity.

When would this trauma go away?

* * *

The night's patrol had been short, and though sometimes a friendly gesture and potentially some games, Ladybug's only thoughts could circle back to the mysterious _something_ she'd seen before heading out. She decided to keep her mouth shut for most of the time. Otherwise, she was sure she'd let something slip about her partner's wicked side, and that could not happen. She'd go home and die of shame before he could say anything.

As Marinette sat on her bed, curled up by the wall, she let her thoughts drift. She didn't know why she kept thinking of the suspicious figure she'd seen; she wasn't even sure she had seen it. Maybe she had finally cracked and gone crazy for a second. Maybe is was a figment of her imagination, her mind just playing tricks on her to drive her to a panic attack. No, after everything that happened then, she'd played it cool, been almost emotionless, unless she had to be, but she was afraid she was wearing down, that everything was starting to show. Marinette would not allow that to happen. She couldn't put anybody to worry.

Her thoughts meandered to the phonograph perched upon her desk, which she knew was safely tucked away in the corner by the wall alongside some drawers, something you might not see at just first glance, which she hoped was enough to keep prying eyes away from it. Marinette still didn't feel good about it. She didn't feel worthy to be guardian and she was terrified that something would go wrong on her watch; she would be to blame for the downfall of Paris. She curled herself tighter until Tikki wedged into her mind, speaking her back to the present once again.

Marinette realized she'd been doing that a lot lately, drowning out what was happening around her and dulling to be lost in her thoughts.

"Perhaps you should try to get some sleep for a little while?" the Kwami suggested carefully as Marinette sat up in her bed; Tikki flew in front of her as she held her hands out for her to sit in her palms. Marinette sighed hopelessly, feeling the weight of her world settle upon her shoulders, showing no sign of slacking.

"I don't know, Tikki," she murmured, but still scrambled out of her bed to change into her pajamas. Once she had, she quietly exited her room, her eyes flashing in the dim light as she made her way to the kitchen. She grabbed a Melatonin to help her sleep and a glass of water. She glanced outside, feeling a rather unpleasant feeling wash over her traverse the murky shadows, and crept back to her bedroom. Tikki waited for her as she attempted for sleep.

She didn't want to rouse Tikki if she was up all night again. It wasn't fair to the Kwami. She hesitantly looked at her little friend before mouthing "Sorry" and guiltily taking off her earrings. She tucked them safely away on the ledge by her bed and shook her head. She just wanted a peaceful night's sleep. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently, she thought, it was.

* * *

**Here's chapter two! I'm sorry it's a lot shorter than chapter two, but I promise chapter three will make up for it! Don't worry, things will start to pick up soon! **

**A/N: 1,245 **

**Cat's off. **


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